pinky_spat_vomitt's Xanga

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 14:45:34 GMT

im back.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 10:42:05 GMT

she said to me....oh what was it?

something to do with restructuring my life, getting a grip, letting go of that knife?

i think i remember. in frosty december. my birthday had passed. i had been waiting. for something...something. what was i looking for?

finding myself crippled,demure,unsure,still pure but sick without cure. and i still don't know what i'm searching for.

'caring is creepy' -said the girl gone too late...after slutting herself out to me on a plate. but what if i care? i do really care? 'but caring is creepy!' - i don't think thats fair! so basically all you want is some sex? ' yeah, that and some pills and i'll be on my way' -oh...ok. if thats all you need, in that case i'll drown myself in self loathing and bleed. ' you selish fuck,' so i lost my luck. you bitch, your the glitch. get the fuck out my head. if it wernt for your greed i'd be happy instead. i can forget. force myself to forget. theres others who like me. i think anyway. special people unlike you who don't eaqt me like prey. i dont need you. i dont need you. i dont need you. you need me.xxxxxxxx

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 14:34:49 GMT

this SUCKS!!!....the internet at home is BROKE again so i am forced to drop posts in school hours!! shock, horror!!....i really should me writing my french essay, entitled 'une journee typique' but...meh..

thank you jessicka for calling me pretty, so are you!

i don't have much fucking time..unfortunately.so i cant write much.

faye...i love you and miss you very very very much, recording on friday will be spunk-a-licious!!

jeeesus....amongst other reports i still insist the most important is that I NEED A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND...or boyfriend but i prefer ladies so...yeah. tell me if your interested.

p.s. japanese people are BUFF-A-LICIOUS!! as you probably already guessed from looking at my newly created web-ring that i am hoping you will all become members of...immediatly!!

dr.carrot.x

Friday, November 18, 2005

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 14:46:15 GMT

my medeocre mind melts to mid-tone grey. i hope i'm not unstable but i know i'm not ok. this life leads nowhere, its going round and round, i'm perplexed, it has no meaning...not one that i have found.

some day i'll escape. i'll bring beer and dope and of course my bad girl bible, i'm sure i'll be able to cope...but not on my own. if im fucking alone then no.

yeah, you guessed i'm lieing

and i'm not even trying.....

this is all emerging from a bullshit brain.....again and again, the same the same.

its so mother fucking lame.

but at least i'm happy.think im happy. yeah i'm happy.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 14:46:44 GMT

when i try to look for you, you never seem to be there. but when i finally find you, i act like i dont care. i know its creepy, i admit, i'm strange, maybe mentally unstable, or even deranged because i'm constantly cursed with thoughts relating to you, i try to stop thinking but its that i can't do. i wish i could tell you, at the same time i'm glad i havent, i know you'd run away as soon as this obsession became apparent. but your a cool girl, and so am i, we both like gritty glitter and a simple pot high, we're meant for eachother, but that you'll never know, overwhelming secret i hope will cease to grow. we are friends, i suppose it depends, if i show you my real self or keep sitting on this shelf.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 12:06:18 GMT

maybe i'm bored of this limozine dream, amidst the sugary swirls and the silver screens. i need solid steel that i can hold onto, something strong and real that i can prove is there. ..

i havent seen that stupid girl for long enough, its time we went out, did drugs, got tough. ...

i havent seen that mysterious boy in black since the last time we fucked..he never called me back..

the fragile little fairy is always there, shes sweet, we have fun but i just don't CARE.

happy-go-lucky, that one keeps me ALIVE, if it wasnt for her, think i'd take a dive.

ninja death-trap should be dropping by soon, i read his journal, hope the feelings not external, i want to give him advice but i don't know how,who,what.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 10:43:07 GMT

yeah.

i dont feel so good rightnow.

i drunk too much on the weekend in hope of getting laid. it was all for nothing though because there wern't enough boys to go around and it was a cold cold night. now im in school. the library is a depressing place.

wheres the girl i always ask for? where is she now? why do i wait. why do i bother waiting. i'd rather be sedated. and soon i will be. no fucking nercy. for all the minutes that crawl past my mind, i'm willing to worship their waste woeful crime. mine.

my only muse is melting passion, where it went and where it lies. im awake but always dreaming, listening sinking lullaby.

hey maddy? this ones for you.

you sucked away my energy, you tortured me so sick. burdened me with misery and i got frightened quick. you cried, you lied, i'd thought you'd died, all denied, you never apologized. And everything we spoke of, was all to do with you. YOUR life, YOUR complaints, it was always your fucking rules. We lived too close, in a padlocked cage, which shook and eventually broke with rage. i stayed so long, i stayed too long. while you were losing yourself to drugs. i was wishing i was you. whilst you were screaming out to thugs, i was hoping it wasnt true.

Whilst you were drowning in your brain, my schoolwork acheivment got flushed down the drain.

whilst you were seizing up inside, i was looking for a places to hide.

And when, ONE DAY, you finally slipped, i decided to GET A GRIP.

i'd followed you through fashion fads, arguements, relationships. i was theres when it turned bad, but beat you to a consequence.

i dont think your SCUM.i just don't like you, and when your GONE my life is better, but how can i say this without leaving you stung? maybe i'll post it in a letter.

i could say to your face 'I HATE'

but then you might get irate, in my opinion and my favour our memories together were not my saviour.

you petrified me, you bullied me, you lectured me.

i thought you understood.

but now i can see your cruelty, i wish back then i could. i had to be so fucking cautious with every move i made. if by mistake, i disagreed there'd be a price to pay.

if im ALL HONEST [lets leave out the lies] i got SO BORED of having, to sympathize.

again, again, again, aGain

you CRUSHED me with crude words, you pushed me across the line, so now i'm NOT FUCKING FINE. i'm through with this, controlling bitch, the only glitch...in my world.X

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 11:33:01 GMT

what a night!

everybodies talk about the time we broke cos it worked to well. envy + jealousy began to swell. time torn turgid, thick in shell, who could guess that it was a spell. shit shock smell. belinda butata. doing suck for blow. i heard her slapping, beep blappin' sick stereo. doesnt fulfill . creeps come in pairs. and after that its up the stairs. hot like honeys, stickily scented. melt my money, i'm invented. can i have it like that? you got it like that! can i have it like that? eat my crack. my visions so clear. like a crazy deer, i escape my fears from fraternising peers. i wanna own this. i think i blown it. like suckers spoilt for chase. come on everybody beat yo' billet to the base. back it up. bake my cake. beat blue bup. betting boner bait. blinkyy

bruvah boils beating bop; buy me. or else im just too hot.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 14:45:42 GMT

its back to school.

what can i say?#

back to being a regular failure. why didnt you call? you never call.

or maybe i just want it all

Friday, October 28, 2005

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 11:30:40 GMT

MIYAVI

So today i'm all like...obsessed with this crazy japanese rockstar, miyavi.

How can anyone NOT have a crush on him? he's fucking gorgeous...and i'm supposedly a lesbian!